To know thyself means to take the time to get to know thyself.
One of the best ways we can do that is by assessing who we are and what we've been through. Essentially, what makes you tick?
Sometimes that can be done by evaluating what we've been through, other times it comes from psychologists who have compiled unique assessments for understanding our subtle, intrinsic differences.
The truth is that who you are today, as an adult, was largely determined by your upbringing, but it's amplified by ongoing experiences and how you handle yourself in those moments.
As we evolve, those moments compound into "proof points" for our subconscious to revert to when reacting (or responding) in any given situation.
But here's the catch: when we start to pay attention to our behaviors and thought patterns more closely, we're able to acutely hone them for maximum spiritual alignment.
Your subconscious doesn't dictate who you become. It simply maintains who you've been. So if you recognize "proof points" that don't align with what your soul knows is the authentic you, then it's time to repattern those behaviors to recalibrate to your "true north".
The more we know about ourselves, the more we can live in true expressive freedom without fear of triggers, boundary lapses, or self-betrayal.
In this post, I'll introduce you to the five identity assessments you need to know about yourself to instantly level-up your self-awareness game.
#1: Anxious/Preoccupied
#2: Avoidant/Dismissive
#3: Disorganized/Fearful Avoidant
#4: Secure
Here's a general idea of what you need to know about each style (based on these descriptions, you may be able to immediately pin-point your particular brand of attachment):
ANXIOUS/PREOCCUPIED - Do you crave relationships and find yourself feeling concerned when people aren't available for you? If you find yourself uncomfortable being single - or even solitary - you might just have an anxious/preoccupied attachment style...
AVOIDANT/DISMISSIVE - Are you hyper-independent, self-sufficient, and prone to sprinting in the opposite direction when someone wants to shack up with you? You're likely avoidant/dismissive...
DISORGANIZED/FEARFUL AVOIDANT - Did you read a little bit of yourself in both of the descriptions above? Do you crave relationships, but also want to run at the first sign of commitment? It's likely that you're dealing with the complicated reality of being a disorganized/fearful avoidant...
SECURE - Are you content being single and also content being in a relationship? Are you open and straightforward, able to be vulnerable and independent, single and taken? Congrats, you're likely sitting pretty in autonomous security...
Attachment styles aren't set in stone.
However, if you've read a quick blurb and are thinking "ahh, sh*t, this explains my dumpster-fire of a dating life..." you're not alone and you're not f*cked forever. Read more about why you are who you are, how you can deal with someone you've been dumpster-fired by, and/or what you can do to heal from an inevitable fall-out from an insecure partner.
Click the link below to discover your attachment style so you can start taming that strange before the clock runs out.
You've probably noticed an obsession with love languages lately, and there's a reason for that.
How you prefer to receive and deliver love is important to understanding how you show up in your friendships, intimate relationships, family holidays where Aunt Edna gives you 5 scratchy sweaters and then guilts you into trying them on in succession...which you do because *acts of service*.
Most people have a little love for every love language on the list, but we all tend to prefer 1-2 as our primaries. Everything else on the list can be anything from abrasive to totally acceptable.
The five love languages are:
ACTS OF SERVICE - Do you love it when someone makes you a meal? And do you find that when you want to show someone you care, you end up doing things for them in a tangible way? Then you're likely an acts of service kinda kitten...
RECEIVING GIFTS - Are you big into getting and giving gifts? Like, big big? Like, Aunt Edna gives all the handmade scratchy sweaters, big, and you love it? There's a chance you're a receiving/giving gifts kinda person...
QUALITY TIME - Do you love to give people your undivided attention, and do you love when they do the same for you? Long hours of play time, social interaction, or even a movie night go the distance for ya? Then quality time might be your love language...
WORDS OF AFFIRMATION - Do you light up whenever someone has a good word to say about you? Do you, in turn, like to acknowledge people with words of praise? Then you should probably explore words of affirmation as your love language...
PHYSICAL TOUCH - Do you love a good hug or a well-placed pat on the shoulder? Is a snuggle preferred over a homemade meal? When you're proud of someone, do you want to give them all the high-fives? You might be a physical touch love language kinda person...
Now, when it comes to love languages, you'll find that you have a top three and of those top three you'll have an order to what you prefer. These don't tend to change much throughout our lives and they're likely based on treatments we did or didn't receive in our childhood.
But, as with all things psychological, you can always learn to adapt to new ways of love if you decide that's something you want/need to explore for yourself.
Let's switch gears into something that may or may not give you insight into how having a difficult childhood impacts our future.
The ACE test stands for Adverse Childhood Experiences and it's used to gauge adult health and social outcomes based on traumatic events experienced in childhood.
The test looks at three areas of your upbringing: abuse, neglect, and household challenges, like substance abuse or mental illness.
So here's why this biggy's a baddie: too many people are roaming through this life with an absurdly high ACE score and don't know it's an issue, or how to confront it.
In fact, more often than not, people with high ACE scores who end up succeeding or appearing highly functional in life, tend to ignore altogether the very real traumatic experiences they were put through in their childhood because "look at me, I made it ma!" (*cue any angry Eminem quote*), thus opening them up to dysfunctional attachment styles and toxic displays of their love language. *ahem...Slim. Fucking. Shady's. The lot of 'em.*
*HERE'S WHERE THAT TRIGGER WARNING KICKS IN*
Without further ado, I give you the ACE test (answer YES or NO, and then tally them mothers up):
Before your 18th birthday...
- Did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often…swear at you, insult you, put you down, or humiliate you?
- Did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often…push, grab, slap, or throw something at you? Or ever hit you so hard that you had marks or were injured?
- Did an adult or person at least five years older than you ever…touch or fondle you or have you touch their body in a sexual way? Or attempt or actually have oral, anal, or vaginal intercourse with you?
- Did you often or very often feel that…no one in your family loved you or thought you were important or special? Or your family didn’t look out for each other, feel close to each other, or support each other?
- Did you often or very often feel that…you didn’t have enough to eat, had to wear dirty clothes, and had no one to protect you? Or your parents were too drunk or high to take care of you or take you to the doctor if you needed it?
- Was a biological parent ever lost to you through divorce, abandonment, or other reason?
- Was your mother or stepmother: often or very often pushed, grabbed, slapped, or had something thrown at her? Or sometimes, often, or very often kicked, bitten, hit with a fist, or hit with something hard? Or ever repeatedly hit over at least a few minutes or threatened with a gun or knife?
- Did you live with anyone who was a problem drinker or alcoholic, or who used street drugs?
- Was a household member depressed or mentally ill, or did a household member attempt suicide?
- Did a household member go to prison?
Full disclosure, I score a 7/10, which is why mental health is so important to the work I create.
Job expectations and regular 9-to-5 paychecks, nutrition and exercise, spiritual growth and meditation...these things mean very little to me if, at the end of the day, all I feel is emotionally depleted from my PTSD.
I do best when I apply a full range of attention to what I'm doing to ALL aspects of my life. If I get too focused on any one area and let the others take a backseat, I struggle. Hard.
To learn more about the ACE test and to take the actual test online (same questions, more interactive fun), click the button below.
The Myers-Briggs personality test includes a total of 16 personality types and involves a slew of situational questioning to determine how your brain processes situations.
The test results can be quite enlightening.
I'm an INFP-T, which makes me a natural mediator. I'm mostly introverted, highly intuitive, all up in my feelings, flexible as all get-out when it comes to switching things up, and turbulent as hell with my emotions, making me a prime candidate for perfectionistic artistry.
So, how accurate is this test if it's calling us out like it's been our bestie since kindergarten?
This research stems from the papa-bear of analytical psychology himself, Carl Gustav Jung, the man who identified two primary personality types, Introversion and Extroversion, and then doubled-down on his work with his research into the two primary cognitive functions, Judging and Perceiving.
According to Jung, every human has an instinct towards either Introversion or Extroversion, and to either Judge or Perceive their surroundings (these keywords are where the initials in the 16 personalities comes from; INFP-T stands for: introversion, intuitive, feeling, perceiving, and turbulent).
Additional research evolved to tack on more information to this study with details like, Intuitive versus Observant, Feeling versus Thinking, and Assertive versus Turbulent.
Take the test and find out more about how you relate to the world around you. It's fascinating stuff! *Said from an INFP-T who loves to learn about her internal world and perceives her surroundings like a hawk on the prowl.*
However, keep in mind that your personality type can change over time. This is one of those studies that can be reassessed whenever you think your personality has significantly evolved.
A Human Design chart, or "bodygraph chart," is an energetic blueprint that uses your birth information to provide a map of your unique strengths, challenges, and purpose in this lifetime.
It offers a specific, comprehensive, outlandishly too-accurate-for-its-own-good viewpoint on your spiritual self - particularly outside of who you may have become after abuse or trauma, making it great for those of us who need to get back to our authenticity and out of a reactive state.
It's a fascinating chart to look at not just because it speaks to you like it's known you for eons, but because it pays specific attention to how you best respond to the world around you and, thus, how you'll reach greater success by working with your energy rather than against it.
Most impressively, it gives specific details on things like:
- Energy Type
There are five types - Manifestor, Generator, Manifesting Generator, Projector, and Reflector - and your type determines how your energy make-up interacts with the world around you.
I'm a Generator, which makes up roughly 35-38% of the population, making us the most common type of the bunch.
- Profile
Your profile number is a two-number combination from the six profile lines on your chart - a concept derived from I Ching's hexagram system - and represents your conscious and subconscious personality.
I'm a 3-5 Martyr/Heretic, which means I learn through trial and error and have to experiment with life in order to discover what works and what doesn't. It also means I have the ability to offer practical solutions and a visionary perspective to others. It creates a dynamic where I may experience failures but I use those lessons to become a leader who is looked to for guidance and for challenging the status quo.
For me, that's dead on. And I knew nothing about human design when I was well underway with my rage-against-the-rat-race rebellious adulthood. By the time I finally looked into it, I was floored by how accurate it was for my lived experiences and personal ways of looking at life.
- Incarnation Cross
This is your life theme or overarching purpose, made up of the four gates that define your life's trajectory and "job description". It's determined by the position of your conscious and unconscious sun and earth gates in your chart.
Your cross unfolds when you live according to your strategy and inner authority, providing a "north star" for making choices.
I'm a Right Angle Cross of the Sphinx 4, which "epitomizes a unique blend of self-expression, potential, leadership, and listener traits."
It means that I possess a natural ability to express my creativity and individuality, and am often deeply introspective, constantly exploring my own identity and purpose; I initiate new ideas and projects, while remaining receptive to inspiration from the universe; I bring a strong sense of self and the ability to play various roles into life, adapting to different situations while maintaining my core identity.
- Authority
This is the unique inner decision-making process for each individual, and it is one of the two cornerstones of the system alongside Strategy.
I'm a sacral authority, meaning my inner truth and decision-making guidance come from a visceral, gut-level "yes" or "no" response. It's about trusting in-the-moment, instinctive feelings—like a physical sensation or a sound—to guide me towards what has energy for me in any given situation.
- Strategy
This is a practical guide for how to best engage with life's opportunities by working with your specific energetic design, rather than against it. Your strategy is determined by your Type and shows you how to respond to life and align your energy flow.
I'm a "wait to respond" strategy, meaning I should wait for an external trigger (like a question or opportunity) before taking action. It is not about being passive, but rather about waiting for the gut or sacral energy to give a clear "yes" or "no" response before committing to something. This strategy allows me to respond to what truly lights me up, rather than initiating or forcing things that aren't the right fit.
Knowing my human design chart makes it enlightening to exist in this reality with a map of deeper energetic knowledge.
For example: I kicked this website into gear (after over a year of considering whether I really wanted to do it or not) due to a conversation I had on a flight with a complete stranger who proceeded to strike up a conversation with me for damn near the whole flight - all willy nilly like we f*cking knew each other from way back when.
Long story short, he'd been wanting to start his own business but didn't know where to start and I flipping LOVE illuminating someone's path forward. We both agreed it was a sign from the universe that when he changed his seat mere minutes before boarding, he got landed in the seat next to me - of all the seats it could've been! - and that we'd both been waiting for a sign to get the ball rolling on the project we'd each been mulling over.
I know now, thanks to human design, that when an opportunity arises out of thin air I should listen to my gut - if the gut wants it, I take steps towards it. And when it came to StardustRevolution and the synchronistic conversation with a stranger on a plane, the gut had BEEN wanting it for years and that conversation was my invitation/opportunity to seize it.
Take the human design test, learn about yourself on an energetic level, and then let me know how synchronistic life feels as you start to honor your authentic energetic form.
SHARE ME LIKE FONDUE